A Domestic Violence Memoir: For Worse Never Better

Penelope van Buskirk knows what it’s like to run for her life. She suffered both verbal and physical abuse at the hands of her husband for nearly eighteen years. I just finished reading her memoir, For Worse Never Better, appropriate for October which is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Penny* is one of the lucky survivors as many women who try to escape are murdered, sometimes along with their children, by their enraged husbands. As Penny says of her ex-husband, “He is now deceased. I am alive. I always thought it would be the other way around.”

For Worse Never Better: Diary of an Abused Woman and Escape to Freedom helps readers understand some of the reasons women put up with spousal violence. Penny is not the stereotypical abused wife, beaten to a mere shadow. She is feisty and headstrong; she says that was her defense against a domineering father. That feistiness also makes it seem odd that she would stay with a violent man, until we see the rest of the story. Penny was neither perfect nor always wise, sometimes pushing her husband’s hot buttons on purpose in response to her frustrations with his cheating, his bossiness, his refusal to let her have any choice in what should have been family decisions. It is painful to read how he beat her, and how—ever loyal, ever hopeful—she covered up for him, lying about the bruises, “I didn’t hold on to the stair rail,” “Mommy got hit by a ball.” It is infuriating to read how he spoke to her, “Where the hell’s my dinner”—accusing, dominating, belittling—while she tried to salvage her self esteem.

Penny’s book grabbed me by the collar and pushed me to the end. My forgotten tea grew cold. I had to see how she escaped to write the book. At what cost, and what happened to her little girls, the friends who tried to help? Wasn’t she afraid to write her story? The book is not all doom. There are many happy moments mixed in, many times when love is strong and beautiful. They make the spider sweet, the web sticky and complex. Penny does well at creating setting and expressing her thoughts. Her sharp sense of humor, which helped her keep going during the abuse, shines through. A number of typos did slip by, like small stones in a whitewater river. The end is satisfying, with a twist of smile.

Penny kept a diary throughout the abuse. It is the basis for this cathartic book which she dared to write only after her husband died. Of course, all names have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. While Penny feels emotionally healed for the most part, she suffers permanent physical damage that worsens with age.

Penny now works with a shelter for women and hopes her book will give abused women “a mirror of hope, understanding and strength. The book is also a must-read for anyone who knows an abused woman. For Worse Never Better is available on Amazon in print or e-book, but Penny will receive more dollars from a print copy sale if it is through Authorhouse, and 50% of proceeds will benefit Chrysalis, a services organization for victims of domestic violence. Visit Penny's Live Free website to find articles, resources, and a link to her blog (Surviving Domestic Violence). Thank goodness there is help now for abused women (and men), unlike during the years when Penny was suffering.

*Due to the public nature of online articles, the author’s nickname has been altered to a common spelling to help maintain her privacy. Her current last name is unknown to most of those who knew her during the abusive years.